Love & Relationships: Operation Communication | Educated Latina

Photo Credit: Ky Olsen

Relationships. While most of us have the inherent desire to be in them, many of us have trouble maintaining them once we are in them. One of the common reasons for failing relationships is communication. Whether men are from mars and women are from Venus, I cannot say for certain. But what I can say is that communicating between one another sometimes is less than a piece of cake. Miscommunication or failure to communicate stems from both internal and external factors. Meaning, things may occur inside and outside of the relationship that cause friction in the communication department for couples.

In order to truly understand how this happens and how to avoid or improve it, you must understand communication. When you hear the word communication do you think of speaking? Many people do not consider the communicative exchanges that happen outside of the verbal. According to a UCLA study, 93 percent of effective communication is contingent upon nonverbal cues. This means that nearly all of your communicative efforts are dictated? or conveyed outside of your words.

Statistics revealed that 80 percent of communication that is interpreted falls under the nonverbal category (ehow.com). Such nonverbal forms includes body language, facial expressions and other nonverbal exchanges. Consider what a great percentage this is. Most of the talking (or lack of) that you believe is the issue behind your communication, really is a fraction of what is really being said. The messages you and your partner exchange begin with the attitude, gestures, sounds, smirks, etc., that are seen before words even leave lips.

A couple may start arguing because one person believe that the other person is cheating. These cues come from one partners actions, the lack of interest, expression, etc. Before the issue is even raised, the nonverbal cues are present. The words serve as the mediator between what is being felt from the cues and the message they convey and expressing it aloud.

Often-times people do not recognize that they are even giving off particular messages through these silent cues. There are even instances where body language conveys a message that does not validate or reflect what they are really feeling. Lack of understanding and capacity to effectively communicate can give way to serious relationship issues.

To counteract the damages that communication failure does, you must recognize that there is a deficiency to begin with. Once you have done this you are able to start seeking resolutions for the inefficiencies. Mhealthy.com provides tips to improving emotional communication to get back on track http://hr.umich.edu/mhealthy/programs/mental_emotional/understandingu/tools/comm_skills.html

• Recognize that a change in communication has occurred
• Talk and Talk again
• Write out characteristics or qualities that you appreciate about one another past and present
• Risk-taking-communicate about a subject that is uncomfortable or difficult to
• Ask questions: ask your partners questions to clear-up doubts, activities, emotions, experiences, etc.
• Begin with questions or invites to the discussion
• Schedule alone-time: set aside time for uninterrupted quality time where you can strengthen bonds and communication

Most communication breakdowns occur because one or both people feel a specific way about the other persons perception of them. Some feelings that a person may feel are:

• Ignoring- Lack of listening or being ignored
• Argumentative- Excessive argument that leave negative feelings about the person
• Cutting-off or talking over- the person may feel as if what they have to say is not important or they are being over-shadowed
• Sarcasm- may make a person feel as if they are being mocked or not taken seriously.
• Belittlement- A person may feel that their partner is belittling them or downplaying their feelings or thoughts
• Chastising- A person may feel their partner is treating them like a child or undermining their position in the relationship.

Try to avoid falling into these relationship traps. Think before speaking, listen and take into account the circumstances. Try hard not to communicate when you are in an irrational or extreme state. Communication works better when both parties have willingly entered into the discussion. Also, if each person feels they have the platform to openly and uninterruptedly speak, they will be less apprehensive to share.

Remember that not every discussion in a relationship is easy or convenient to have. But if you value and want to salvage that relationship you will take the necessary steps to preserve the quality of your interactions.

Related posts:

1. Love Y Relationships: Breaking the Silence Women?s Conference
2. Love & Relationships: You?re Dating a WHAT?!
3. Love & Relationships: Who Do You Love?

Tags: communicating, communication, couples, nonverbal cues, talking

Source: http://educatedlatina.com/2012/02/13/love-relationships-operation-communication/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=love-relationships-operation-communication

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